I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
