i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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