Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
