Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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