I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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