apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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