my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
do herpes really smell.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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