What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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