finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I want a musical about memes.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
