He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
