I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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