I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
