Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm bleeding and have questions
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
