I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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