just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
