I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
