I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
