Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
