you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
