I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
