; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My breasts were aching with rage.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
