you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
