I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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