Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
