Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
