That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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