apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
