forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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