and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
