I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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