Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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