You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
