Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
