I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
