Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
