Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm at about main and main street
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
