You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
