If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When are your genitals available?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
