What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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