Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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