just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
