6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
