I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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