Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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