someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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