I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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