that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
