i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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