We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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