Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Come see our sink grown plant.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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