you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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