dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
