dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
