I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
